I will miss: Funny local businesses

Driving down 34th St is one of my favorite sightseeing tours in Lubbock. I like to take my time and read all the names. I am amazed and amused by the number of incredibly specialized local businesses. I have no idea how all of them stay open. And sometimes the product or service is not especially unique, but the business just has the most awesome sign or name.



A few gems include.....

• Flint Hat and Boot Shop
• Walter's World of Pets
• The Bible Barn
• Nothin' Butt Smokes
• Mr. Aquarium
• Cleaning House
• Little Red Riding Hood Nursery
• Katz Meow
• Cradles 2 Crayons
• Lubbock Rare Coin
• For Scrubs U Wear
• Branding Iron
• Clock Doc
• Rattan and Wicker Supplies
• Balloons By The Bunch

So many things to discuss here, I don't even know where to start. Who would ever need that much wicker and rattan? Why is there text speak in these business names? Can you really make a living off of coins? Especially when Worldwide Coins is only a few miles away on 50th? These stores all seem to sell one thing and that thing is very apparent in the title. Except for Walter's World of Pets. There could be anything in there! (But no cats or dogs, apparently.)

Some of the businesses are so sketchy, I can only assume that they are fronts for drug dealing and money laundering. Check out....

• Akram Discount Computer and Supply
• Jan's Parts and Things
• Universal Police Supply

The police store is the best. It is between Akron and Boston on the north side of 34th. I never even would have noticed it (despite the fact that I drive by it literally all the time), but I walked right in front of it on the way home from dropping off my car at Scott's Car Care. Universal Police Supply is literally just a store front with empty shelves. And the sign looks like it was printed using the banner function on a old dot matrix printer. Definitely not real.

And 34th St isn't the only street full of gems! Lubbock is full of amazing, wonderful, hilarious small businesses. A few more examples are....

• Sew What Sewing Cafe
• The School of Rock
• Not Just Gift Baskets
• Radio Lab
• Kwik Cards

There are quite a few stores that make absolutely no sense in this town. Such as...

• Mountain Hideaway
• Troy's Ski Apparel
• Harvey Madison Aerial Photography

Um....refer to my earlier post about the immensity of flat that define Lubbock. You ain't climbing or skiing anywhere here!


Then again, there is also a smattering of strange businesses that make total sense in Lubbock. The perfect example is the plethora of little watering stops. There are....

• Jacob's Well & Purified Water
• Watermill Express
• Mr. Zippy's Ice and Water

Thanks to Barton for reminding me about this funny little industry. So obviously Lubbock is dry as hell. And the water here stinks, in the flavor and sometimes actually in the odor. As a result, there are little stations to get purified water all over town. Obviously most groceries stores have these, but I can think of at least five that are within a few blocks of my house. The Watermill Express ones are adorable because these have a fake little windmill facade. But the weirdest ones are Mr. Zippy's shacks. They are literally just these little shacks planted on the edge of random parking lots. Sketchy as hell. But, no joke, awesome ice and water. Just ask ice aficionados, Barton and his father-in-law.


And as Erin-Marie, Ben, Emily, Jake, and I have often noted, many of these businesses also have annoying and fantastic commercial jingles. There is Fiesta Motors...."you don't walk away, you drive away!" "Scott George Motors, Scott George Motors, Scott George Motors, Scott George Motors!" Angela Hightower Tax Service, The Gorilla Lawyer, and so many more that I know I am forgetting off the top of my head. There is a hilarious commercial for a local nursery and tree service that probably mentions their trees around 20 times in the commercial, but then at the end, the singer quickly adds, "And by the way we have....trees." It is so random!


The best one might be Zach's Club, which is a local gym. The spokesman in the commercial says "Zach's Club" about 10 times in the same voice as Diedrich Bader, aka Rex Kwon Do, at around 0:25 in this clip. The end result is Zach's Club just sounds like a really butch Sex Club! Sex Club! Sex Club!

I also love the radio jingle for Rub Me the Right Way Massage Therapy Center. Imagine a slow cheesy tune....

"Rub Me the Right Way, Massage Therapy Center,
Our purpose in life is to make you feel better,
We'll take your pain away and we'll make you feel great.
Rub Me the Right Way, Massage Therapy Center know how to make you feel great!"

As if the business name isn't bad enough, the tune is so simultaneously naive, creepy, and suggestive. Like if you just changed the upbeat tune or singer's tone of voice, it could easily be used in an adult film.

I love all the funny little local businesses in Lubbock. I admit, I didn't frequent the majority of them because I have limited need for balloon sculptures and Western wear, but I love that they exist. I love the clever titles and colorful signs.I love that they look cheesy and old. I love to imagine the families who own and operate them. When they got their business loan, how did they convince Plains Capital Bank that we needed a rare coin shop in both adjoining neighborhoods. These businesses just fascinate me! I think it is just one of many charming, quirky things about Lubbock.

I will miss the funny little local businesses in Lubbock.