It's no secret, I am a great big huge Liberal Democrat. And I am fucking proud of it. Do not criticize me or try to challenge me. I do not engage in arguments with people of different political viewpoints because I have no interest in changing their mind and I do not want to hear what they have to say.
Let's just say, being a Democrat in Texas is not the norm. The majority of people in the state, and especially in the Lubbock area, held a whole collection of nonsensical, conservative, anti-government attitudes. I am consistently amazed and annoyed by anti-government attitudes in the arid west - a place which would literally be uninhabitable and economically destitute if it were not for federally funded water distribution projects, massive subsidies and tax breaks for cattle ranchers and cotton farmers, and even more disgustingly massive and unnecessary subsidies for oil and gas industries. It is so hypocritical to be anti-government in a region that is completely dependent on the government for basic survival. That seems to be the norm in red states, though.
I saw so many bumper stickers for Romney/Ryan (get over it!) and even McCain/Palin (seriously get over it!) and other right-wing causes like deportation and birther claims and just plain offensive
anti-Obama crap. The most common were simply Confederate flags, Right for a Reason, and just simply one that said "Extremely Rightwing." And to be honest, I wanted to rear-end ever single one of those cars. I hate it. I fucking hate it! On more than one occasion, I was in a restaurant or other public place and I heard a nearby conversation that was based on pure lies (usually quoting Fox News). I was so tempted to set it straight, but I wouldn't change their ignorant minds, so I bit my tongue. I remember vividly on April 2, 2014, two days after the deadline to sign up for health insurance through the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare), an elderly gentlemen was "carrying out" my groceries from Market Street and out of nowhere he says, "Everybody's in a bad mood, signed up for Obamacare and didn't get what they expected. I kept my insurance, you ain't foolin' me." I almost blurted out, "What the fuck are you talking about old man?"
Obviously most of my colleagues shared my convictions, but outside of the small faculty community, there were limited options. This posed a major difficulty in terms of dating. I couldn't respect a potential partner that shared fundamentally different political beliefs. Sometimes guys suggested it would be "hot" to disagree. Um, no. I do not want to be James Carville and Mary Matalin. I want to be with someone that has the same convictions. I want to raise my potential children with the same important beliefs. I'm not religious, but I am political.
And now, I am positively giddy to live in a blue state again. Of course New York
is a blue state, but I am from the reddest part of that blue state.
(Literally, Essex County was bright red.) But in Massachusetts, I will
be in the motherfucking majority of political opinion for the first time
in my life!!! Even though Westfield is near the most rural/redneck portion of the state, and even in this mixed purple map, central/western Mass is still blue. So just to be clear, the most red part of the state is still blue! Haha!
I am so happy driving around seeing "Ready for Hillary" stickers on so many cars. I surrounded by academics, union members, social workers, lesbians, organic farmers, local business owners, and just every imaginable type of Democrat. I just want to spin in circles. Ahhhh, sigh.
There is absolutely no need for me to explain this one. I miss fresh tortillas.
I knew they were delicious, but I had no idea how much I would miss the bounty and variety of tortillas available everywhere in Texas. Every grocery store has 30 different types, some stores make them on site, and of course, every single Mexican restaurant makes fresh tortillas, some including an adorable little old lady pressing them by hand and yelling at anyone that does it wrong.
A moment of silence for the lack of tortillas here.
(Prepare for the rant of an environmental historian. I don't care if you don't like it.)
When Betty Boop last visited Lubbock, all she wanted to do is go to the Leisure Pool. But of course, it was the one week that Lubbock gets four sequential days of rain! Unprecedented! And every time I complained, everyone kept saying, "We need the rain!" Ya know what? Fuck off.
Who needs the rains? Who? Your lawn?
FUCK. OFF. Holy shit fuck off. I hope your lawn dies. I hope your lawn withers and dies. Your lawn is an
unnatural waste of water and time. Lawns are a cultural custom rooted in the climate of the East. Lawns grow naturally in the East and Midwest
because there is enough rain. My dad has been actively trying to kill our lawn for 20 years but it just keeps growing! Lawns are not meant to grow in the West. So if your lawn needs rain, I don't care.
Ogallala Aquifer size and scope
Who really needs the rain? Not humans in Lubbock, that's for damn sure. Humans in Lubbock are doing just fine by sucking the Ogallala Aquifer dry. FYI, the Ogallala Aquifer is an underground aquifer spanning from South
Dakota to Texas. It was likely created approximately 10-12 million years ago when Rocky Mountains were moving and shaping and the glaciers were receding. This left behind a moist layer of sediment and billions of gallons of glacial water. The Ogallala hydrates the majority of
semi-arid western states because those areas do not receive enough
natural moisture to support human life.
West Texas naturally receives
around 15-20 inches of rain, 25 inches in a good year, in comparison to 50-60 inches of rain in New York or Indiana. So Lubbock is a
semi-arid/arid climate, depending on the total rainfall in a particular
year. Semi-arid climates were considered sub-marginal and unsuitable for
human habitation until the early twentieth century. This was when a few brilliant land developers and boosters began spreading the myth that "rain follows the plow." Literally....
As Charles Dana Wilber wrote in The Great Valleys
and Prairies of Nebraska and the Northwest in 1881:
...a new army
of frontier farmers...turn over the prairie sod,
and after deep plowing and receiving the rain and moisture, present a new
surface of green, growing crops instead of the dry, hardbaked earth covered with sparse
buffalo grass. No one can question or doubt the inevitable effect of this cool
condensing surface upon the moisture in the atmosphere as it moves over by the
Western winds. A reduction of temperature must at once occur, accompanied by
the usual phenomena of showers. The chief agency in this transformation is
agriculture. To be more concise. Rain follows the plow.
...it would appear that
deserts and arid lands are not only temporary conditions of the earth's
surface, but that, on the other hand, such unpromising areas can, by the
industry and skill of man, be' changed into fertile and productive fields...by the plow, can transform it, in any country, into farm areas. With the
power in our own hands to make the wilderness and waste places glad, and to
make even a desert blossom as a garden with roses.
Ok so just to review, the theory goes that when homesteaders in the arid west turned over the grass, the sod released "vapors" and "condensation" which traveled up into the atmosphere and fed the clouds, thereby producing rain. So in order to increase the annual precipitation in an area, people simply needed to start farming and it would change the region's climate, permanently. Seriously? Fucking seriously?
Average Annual Precipitation
Nevertheless, this bullshit helped settlement in the entire West. And this tangent is just to say, the lack of water in West Texas is not new information. The notion that we have been having a "drought" for the past few years is highly suspect to me. I think we are just experiencing the natural rain fluctuations of an arid region. West Texas simply does not receive a lot of precipitation.
As for "needing the rain," our long term supply of water is certainly in jeopardy, given that the Ogallala water table dropped over a foot and a half in 2013 alone. But the unsustainable rate of depletion of the Ogallala is due to excessive human consumption that the natural climate cannot manage. The area is known for having a HUGE cotton
industry that is completely dependent on irrigation. The irrigation
fluids are coming directly out of the Ogallala. Who had the bright idea to grow thirsty-ass cotton in the desert? What the fuck! The rate of extraction
from irrigation vastly exceeds the rate of recharge. This
is not simply due to lack of rain. It
would take about 100,000 years for the Ogallala to fully replenish with drastically reduced consumption and average rainfall levels.
Regardless, our reliable supply of water on a daily basis in Lubbock has nothing to do with precipitation. An estimated 2.3 million people rely on the Ogallala for their daily water throughout the West. They can keep using it unabated, regardless of rainfall. So every single time I turned on the water, I felt guilty. Granted, I have always been sensitive about my water use, no matter where I lived. Part of this is because of my environmental consciousness and part of this is because my dad screamed at me, "TURN THE WATER OFF! I'M NOT MADE OF MONEY!" anytime the water ran for more than three seconds while I was growing up. But when I turn on the water in Lubbock, I literally imagined the water being pumped from some prehistoric source with underground caverns and stalactites. Obviously that was wrong, but still, I felt so much water guilt.
The public relationship to water in the East is totally different. Property owners generally pay a flat tax/fee for water based on occupants, but the actual consumption level is irrelevant. Water is not metered in the East. I have a problem with this system as well. Studies consistently show that water meter, or monitoring gallon use, helps reduce consumption. So maybe people would use less here if they charged by the gallon. Everyone in Lubbock bitched about water cost and I was just like, "Um yeah! You should pay for it! Water isn't meant to be here!" At least the system was metered because water is a scarce commodity in the West.
So while water use is undoubtedly wasteful in the humid East due to lack of metering, at least I know that water is plentiful here. I walk outside and the ground squishes. It rains every fricking day. Rivers overflow regularly. We got water here. So I feel less guilty every time I turn on the faucet.
Welp, sorry for the long break in my posts. Packing, moving, unreliable Internet, yadda yadda yadda. Most of you know I am already in Massachusetts, but I still have quite a few things left that I will miss about Lubbock. And in fact, now that I'm here, I can actually reflect on my lack-of-Lubbock even more.
Today I want to talk about Texas-specific businesses that I will miss, in addition to ranting about Massachusetts businesses that I do not like, i.e. Comcast. I'll try to keep the ranting to a minimum.
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On my very first day in Lubbock back in July 2012 when I came to find a house/apartment, I had the privilege to meet Nina, Mayela, Jackie, Susie, and Brittany, along with Randy, Julie, and Chloe, because Randy happen to be having a staff lunch and he invited me to join them. I was so happy to meet the staff and they started giving me the low down on Lubbock right away. I learned that there was a nice Walmart (82nd and Milwaukee) and a ghetto Walmart (Quaker and the Loop), with two in between, there was a new Target and an old Target, there was a new gastropub that used to be Home Cafe, so many businesses were closed on Sunday and Monday, and perhaps most importantly, in the words of Chloe, "Market Street is amazing!" I did not fully understand the gravity and truth of these words until a month later when I moved to Lubbock permanently. I love Market Street.
For those of you that don't know, Market Street is simply the local grocery store. It is a slightly upscale version of the United Supermarkets chain with a great built-in restaurant and cafe for dine-in or take out. But the appeal of Market Street is so much more. The produce, the salad bar, the variety of products, the prices, and of course, the free samples. Walking around Market Street on a Saturday afternoon is a smorgasbord of delights. Not to mention, the staff. I love the people who work at Market Street. I know they are instructed to be friendly, but like, they really sell it. I used to love this one guy at the fish counter. Not that I ever bought fish, but he always said, "Hello, how are you doing today?" in the most genuine way. (Plus it helps that he was so cute!) Beyond that, I just loved the cashiers and baggers and pharmacists and shelf stockers. It is just a fantastic store.
I have a Stop and Shop and two Big Y supermarkets very close to me. They are just meh. The produce sucks, the staff is not very polite, and the prices. Holy fuck, the prices! After living in Indiana for 7 years and Texas for 2 years, mama needs to readjust to East Coast prices, but that is the topic of another post.
I will say, though, I never liked the carry out tradition/policy. This is partly because I always felt like it was so servile and I should tip them, and there were two dudes at the Market Street on Indiana and 50th that I couldn't stand! (This one that claimed to be on the Tech tennis team even though he was like 35 and a old guy that always judged my products and bitched about Obama.) I loved the high school kids, though, and the whole mission for Market Street to be teaching kids better socialization skills.
Overall, I miss Market Street, a lot.
A few other Texas business that I grew to love include, Spec's. For non-Texans, Spec's is like Christmas for drinkers. I admit it, I like to imbibe a few beers, wines, cocktails, etc. I have gone to three liquor stores in Westfield so far (don't judge),
and they all just feel like dark and seedy, and smell faintly like frat
house. Spec's is totally different. Spec's is just the most bright, clean, beautiful liquor store that I have ever seen. The first time I walked in it was like I heard the angels singing, hand to God moment, all that jazz. I spent like $65 in my first Spec's visit. I swear they have like every type of booze you could reasonably want, including obscure/rare brands, and if they don't have it, they will gladly order it for you. And the prices are fucking phenomenal, i.e. $32 for a bottle of BH, you get rewards with your free Spec's card, and they even offer that 5% discount if you pay with cash or debit. Everyone knows the expression, "Everything is bigger in Texas." This is neither true, nor advantageous, in certain cases. But in the case of Spec's, Texas did the liquor store right.
Oddly enough, I also miss Raising Cane's. Now I know this is pretty random, but I fricking loved Raising Canes. FYI, this is just a chicken place. They only sell chicken tenders, crinkle fries, coleslaw, dipping sauce, and beverages. And to be honest, about 90% of my obsession is with the sauce. I looked up some recipes for Cane's copycat sauce and I just know they won't be the same. I will definitely be getting a big ol' Caniac the next time I'm in Texas. (Whataburger on the other hand, I can take it or leave it. Mostly I like the late hours and people watching. I have a few fond Whataburger memories. Mostly with Hannah and Val, less with Patrick and Jud. Still, I prefer Cane's any day or night.)
And finally, as of this week, I miss Sudden Link. I know Sudden Link is a big corporation and they have a monopoly just like every other cable company, but they were better than Comcast. Admittedly that bar is low. Like limbo low. But they are remarkably better. First of all, their installation and service was immediate. And in fact, I remember in my first conversation with the Sudden Link rep, I was so jaded. I had just gotten off the phone with Comcast a few days earlier and then had claimed I signed up for a 2-year contract, even though I would have never done that because I highly expected to be moving out of Indiana in the new year, and they were charging me a $200 cancellation/early termination fee. So I was seething with rage toward cable companies as a whole. I assumed Sudden Link was the same, but after all my snarky comments on the phone, the local Sudden Link director called me personally to ensure that Sudden Link was not Comcast. I had great service the entire time. And it cost less than half of what Comcast does now. LESS THAN HALF! The joke is that you need to take out an extra mortgage to have cable. And seriously, no one is happy with Comcast. Literally everyone you ask either says, "Comcast is the worst," or they can't afford them. Regardless, I want cable and Internet. I'm not fucking getting rid of cable, so can it. I like cable. I like the surprise and variety. And frankly, the choice should not be to (1.) Over pay for terrible service or (2.) Go without. I hate Comcast. I miss Sudden Link.
I am excited to have Cumby's and Friendly's and Dunkin back, but I will miss many Texas businesses. Did I forget any?
Immediately after I arrived at Texas Tech, my wonderful colleague Julie Willett offered to show me some things around campus. Julie and I drove around campus in the Saturn, as she pointed out certain buildings and useful places. In particular, she directed me out toward Flint and 18th to show me the Rec Center, because in her words, "you need to see the Leisure Pool." She had mentioned the Leisure Pool before, several times, so I was starting to wonder about this magical place. And she wasn't lying.
The Leisure Pool deserves its own post. It is fucking amazing.
The Leisure Pool is, hands down, the best thing about Texas Tech. There is like a half-mile long lazy river (actually 645 feet) where you can just float and float and float. There is a huge "wet deck" which is basically a huge set of shallow steps with water flowing over them. There are play pools for basketball and volleyball, fountain spouts for the little kids, a diving pool with a huge slide, and hundreds of lounge chairs, not to mention, a huge lap pool and hot tub. I spent most of June at the Leisure Pool last year sprawled out like a beached whale beside the pool with my favorite people, Jackie, Nataleigh, Samantha, and Nolan, and floating in circles laughing with/at Patrick and Judd.
Texas Tech should arrange for all students to tour campus between May-August to see the Leisure Pool. They are always talking about student enrollment and retention. Those number would be through the roof if they just sold the Leisure Pool for it's full potential. My mom fell in love
with it the second we walked in. It was literally the only thing she
wanted to do in Lubbock. She is currently visiting for about 10 days. I
estimate that at least 5 of them will be spent at the pool.
This isn't just about ginger ale. Ginger ale is just a symptom of a bigger problem.
When I first moved to Indiana, I noticed that ginger ale was really hard to find. One day I felt sick while I was driving and I stopped at a convenient store to get a ginger ale to settle my stomach. I searched every inch of the store coolers (and it was a pretty big Marathon-Village Pantry) and there were no varieties of ginger ale to be found. I walked back and forth like 5 times in disbelief. I walked out with a 7-Up and heavy heart. This experience led to a revelation for me: ginger ale is not as readily available in the Midwest. This was a big deal for me. My people love ginger ale. My dad is French Canadian and Canada Dry is number one. As a child, my grandma and grandpa used to buy these adorable little 10-ounce glass bottles of Canada Dry. They were my favorite! In addition, the Adirondack Beverage Company made regular ginger ale, plus a wide selection of flavored ones, like raspberry, cranberry, and blueberry. I love them all. Even poor substitute Seagram's and nasty-ass Schwepp's had several different types of ginger ale, all readily available. And every grocery store has their own generic type, as well. We don't have Vernor's, though. Vernor's is gross and Midwest/West. Ok so clearly, I am a ginger connoisseur.
My people love ginger ale.
That is why I was so incredibly pissed the other day when I was in Lowe's Corner Market and I wanted a bottle of ginger ale and there was literally not one in the whole store, even in the fancy soda section. The next day in Market Street, I was only able to find Canada Dry (thank the lord) and one fancy type. I am sick of not being able to find a decent bottle of ginger ale at any old store, let alone multiple flavor. For that matter, I would never be able to find ginger on tap at a bar for cocktail like Pimms or Dark & Stormy or a nice Whiskey Highball. I once had a bartender in Lafayette say, "I can give you Sprite with a splash of Coke.....it's the same color." What? Wait, what?
Apparently, ginger ale is a Canadian/northeast thing. I never realized that dry ginger ale was invented and bottled by a Canadian pharmacist, so it makes sense that it is more common in the northeast. It is in every store, every bar, most restaurants, and even, sometimes, in fountains at average gas stations. So basically, ginger ale is one example of a product/store/service that is common in the northeast, that I have missed while I have been in Texas.
Another one is Dunkin Donuts. Oh sweet, sweet Dunkin. You cannot throw a stick in New England without hitting a DD. Then there is Cumberland Farms. Cumby's is basically just a shitty gas station, but it had these yummy Coach House candy bars that I love! I miss it. Also, Friendly's. Give me an order of frunions, a bowl of chicken noodle soup, a thanksgiving melt sandwich, and a sundae for dessert. "Friendly's! You bet we are!" I miss Cabot products. Cottage cheese, sour cream, whipped cream, and most of all, cheddar cheese. Hard, sharp, Vermont cheddar. And speaking of Vermont. Ben and Jerry's. Nuff said.
There are definitely a few Texas businesses and products that I will miss, which I will cover in another post, but I will not miss the lack of ginger ale, et al, in Texas.
If you drive this vehicle, I assume you have a tiny penis.
The average person does not need to own a big truck. I understand if you are a farmer, logger, contractor, construction worker, plumber, painter, landscaper, forest ranger, or some other job that actually requires you to carry shit or navigate mountains on a daily basis. Otherwise you are just wasting space and gas. Personally, I hate big trucks and SUVs. It makes me physically angry when a tricked out duel wheel Ford-450 with stacks accelerates beside me and a big cloud of black smoke bilges out. The worst part is, sometimes guys will rev the engine really loud to get your attention at a stop light or cross walk. Has that ever worked? Has a successful date ever resulted from this move? Nothing could turn me off more.
I have NEVER seen so many HUGE vehicles
as in Lubbock. I was seriously overwhelmed by the number of ridiculously
big trucks when I first moved here. My Saturn is dwarfed in Lubbock. My friend Hannah had to wait almost a month for parts to have her Prius fixed. Every road, street, and
parking lot is crammed full of massive SUVs and trucks. Especially in
the evening in Tech Terrace. The streets are relatively narrow so when
students' X-Terras, Pathfinders, Silverados, Navigators, King Ranches, Expeditions, GX460s, X5s, Tahoes, and Cherokees are parked
on both sides (and often poorly parked two feet away from the curb),
there is barely one lane down the middle. You have to dodge and
Apparently the sign said "Asshole Parking Only"
weave
between parked cars and driveways. That is only the half of the parking
issues. It is
unbelievably common to see an over-sized pick-up truck
taking up four, yes, FOUR parking spots! What kind of dick move is that? I swear I could keep likeaglove_official instagram running with photos from Lubbock alone!
And of course, everyone has to have the Texas Edition. I'm not really clear about what the Texas edition actually is? Some automakers like Toyota build all their pick-ups in Texas so they have that claim to fame. According to Chevy, the 2014 Silverado Texas Edition, "adds 20-inch polished aluminum wheels, a
trailering package, locking rear differential, body-color outside mirror
caps and door handles, and Texas edition badges." As far as I can tell, though, the Texas "option package" really just involves paying like $3,000-$4,000 more for a shiny chrome decal. I would like to know what the Texas Edition of the 1999 Saturn SL would look like.
The thing is, the majority of these "off road" vehicles have never seen a drop of dirt or an ounce of work related to the purpose for which they were designed originally. Especially among spoiled-rotten students. Their Hummer will never go through a mid puddle, let alone leading a convoy through the desert. These vehicles are just toys and status symbols and statements. The environmentalist in me hates seeing huge unnecessary vehicles driven a protest against renewable fuel conservation. Just because we live in Texas, it doesn't mean we should waste our resources. Believe or not, daily life can be completed in a smaller car and they are bigger than you think.
I know that there are trucks and SUVs all over the country, but I will not miss the ridiculous number of enormously large vehicles in Lubbock.
Very shortly after I moved here, I did a quick favor or something-or-other for Mrs. Nina Pruitt, our wonderful administrative assistant in the TTU DOH. In reply she said, "Well thank you, I sure do appreciate you." At first I thought she misspoke because I had never heard that phrasing, "I appreciate you." I guess I had only heard I appreciate it or that, but never you. As we got to know each other better, I heard her say it again and to other people in the same way and I just assumed it one of Nina's many pleasantries. But then I started hearing other people say it in the grocery store and pharmacy and all over Lubbock! And I love it! It feels so much more personal and sincere. I sure do appreciate Nina for introducing me to that expression.
In fact, I love so many Texas colloquialisms! First and foremost is "y'all." I embrace y'all! I have been searching for a gender-neutral pronoun for years and I always felt weird saying y'all. But now I've got country cred and I can say y'all whenever I want (even though I still say it like a Yankee)! If anyone questions it, "Screw y'all! I lived in Texas!" Y'all is now part of my vocabulary.
One Texism that I have never used is "bless his/her/their/your heart," but it is super funny. Many comedianshavenoted that using the phrase "bless her heart" often has a hidden meaning. Essentially, you can say whatever you want, as long as you follow it with "bless his heart." For example, "She just cannot make a decent cup of coffee....bless her heart." "Those kids will not eat anything but chicken nuggets and cereal....bless their heart." "He looks like he got hit in face with a shovel....bless his heart." So "bless their heart" will veil any insult. Sometimes it is used in a genuine way, as part of a kind word or thank you, but not always.
There are a few more Texisms that crack me up. I think the best one is "fixin' to." Basically fixin to means you are going to, planning to, or thinking about doing something or going somewhere. The best usage of it, for me, was by one of my students in her exam essay. This was of my best students and she was writing an essay about the reestablishment of defacto slavery after the Civil War. She told me that, "African Americans were fixing to change their place in society...." Her idea was good overall, but her phrasing was so adorably Texas.
Another awesome expression is "reckon." I don't hear reckon as often, but it is still very common. "I reckon" means I think so or that seems likely. It can be used as a full sentence or in connection with other ideas/words. Next, if someone invites you out or asks you to do something and you're not sure if you can go, you say "I might could." As far as I can tell, might could means maybe. "Wanna help me move?" "I might could." It may or may not be correct English. Lastly, once my friend Bridget told me something was all "cattywompus" and I just about did a spit take. Basically that means it's all messed up or helter skelter or criss crossed. Bridget has a lot of great Texisms like "dumber than dirt" and "all hat and no cattle" or something like that. I don't have a clue what most of them mean, but I like to hear new ones!
Obviously there are all sorts of regional expressions, as clearly demonstrated by the awesome regional dialect quiz that was the most popular story in the New York Times last year. I have trying to think of other sayings that I know from living in the Northeast and Midwest. I liked saying "pop" in the Midwest, although I never said "coke" in Texas. I have said "wicked" a few times in my life and I am looking forward to learning many more Massachusetts/New Englandisms at my new position.
But I will definitely miss all the charming Texas colloquialisms.
Driving down 34th St is one of my favorite sightseeing tours in Lubbock. I like to take my time and read all the names. I am amazed and amused by the number of incredibly specialized local businesses. I have no idea how all of them stay open. And sometimes the product or service is not especially unique, but the business just has the most awesome sign or name.
A few gems include.....
Flint Hat and Boot Shop
Walter's World of Pets
The Bible Barn
Nothin' Butt Smokes
Mr. Aquarium
Cleaning House
Little Red Riding Hood Nursery
Katz Meow
Cradles 2 Crayons
Lubbock Rare Coin
For Scrubs U Wear
Branding Iron
Clock Doc
Rattan and Wicker Supplies
Balloons By The Bunch
So many things to discuss here, I don't even know where to start. Who would ever need that much wicker and rattan? Why is there text speak in these business names? Can you really make a living off of coins? Especially when Worldwide Coins is only a few miles away on 50th? These stores all seem to sell one thing and that thing is very apparent in the title. Except for Walter's World of Pets. There could be anything in there! (But no cats or dogs, apparently.)
Some of the businesses are so sketchy, I can only assume that they are fronts for drug dealing and money laundering. Check out....
Akram Discount Computer and Supply
Jan's Parts and Things
Universal Police Supply
The police store is the best. It is between Akron and Boston on the north side of 34th. I never even would have noticed it (despite the fact that I drive by it literally all the time), but I walked right in front of it on the way home from dropping off my car at Scott's Car Care. Universal Police Supply is literally just a store front with empty shelves. And the sign looks like it was printed using the banner function on a old dot matrix printer. Definitely not real.
And 34th St isn't the only street full of gems! Lubbock is full of amazing, wonderful, hilarious small businesses. A few more examples are....
Sew What Sewing Cafe
The School of Rock
Not Just Gift Baskets
Radio Lab
Kwik Cards
There are quite a few stores that make absolutely no sense in this town. Such as...
Mountain Hideaway
Troy's Ski Apparel
Harvey Madison Aerial Photography
Um....refer to my earlier post about the immensity of flat that define Lubbock. You ain't climbing or skiing anywhere here!
Then again, there is also a smattering of strange businesses that make total sense in Lubbock. The perfect example is the plethora of little watering stops. There are....
Jacob's Well & Purified Water
Watermill
Express
Mr. Zippy's Ice and Water
Thanks to Barton for reminding me about this funny little industry.
So obviously Lubbock is dry as hell. And the water here stinks, in the flavor and sometimes actually in the odor. As a result, there are little stations to get purified water all over town. Obviously most groceries stores have these, but I can think of at least five that are within a few blocks of my house. The Watermill Express ones are adorable because these have a fake little windmill facade. But the weirdest ones are Mr. Zippy's shacks. They are literally just these little shacks planted on the edge of random parking lots. Sketchy as hell. But, no joke, awesome ice and water. Just ask ice aficionados, Barton and his father-in-law.
And as Erin-Marie, Ben, Emily, Jake, and I
have often noted, many of these businesses also have annoying and fantastic commercial
jingles. There is Fiesta Motors...."you don't walk away, you drive away!" "Scott George Motors, Scott George Motors, Scott George Motors, Scott George Motors!" Angela Hightower Tax Service, The Gorilla Lawyer, and so many more that I know I am forgetting off the top of my head. There is a hilarious commercial for a local nursery and tree service that probably mentions their trees around 20 times in the commercial, but then at the end, the singer quickly adds, "And by the way we have....trees." It is so random!
The best one might be Zach's Club, which is a local gym. The spokesman in the commercial says "Zach's Club" about 10 times in the same voice as Diedrich Bader, aka Rex Kwon Do, at around 0:25 in this clip. The end result is Zach's Club just sounds like a really butch Sex Club! Sex Club! Sex Club!
I also love the radio jingle for Rub Me the Right Way Massage Therapy Center. Imagine a slow cheesy tune....
"Rub Me the Right Way, Massage Therapy Center,
Our purpose in life is to make you feel better,
We'll take your pain away and we'll make you feel great.
Rub Me the Right Way, Massage Therapy Center know how to make you feel great!"
As if the business name isn't bad enough, the tune is so simultaneously naive, creepy, and suggestive. Like if you just changed the upbeat tune or singer's tone of voice, it could easily be used in an adult film.
I love all the funny little local businesses in Lubbock. I admit, I didn't frequent the majority of them because I have limited need for balloon sculptures and Western wear, but I love that they exist. I love the clever titles and colorful signs.I love that they look cheesy and old. I love to imagine the families who own and operate them. When they got their business loan, how did they convince Plains Capital Bank that we needed a rare coin shop in both adjoining neighborhoods. These businesses just fascinate me! I think it is just one of many charming, quirky things about Lubbock.
I will miss the funny little local businesses in Lubbock.
In The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Stories of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl, Timothy Egan uses a variety of phrases that began to resonate with me after I started living in West Texas. He spends a great deal of time describing "No Man's Land," the central area most severely affected by the Dust Bowl, comprising mainly the Texas and Oklahoma panhandles, southeastern Colorado, and southwestern Kansas. He truly communicates the unique and harsh landscape with expressions like, "immensity of grass," "engulfed by dust," "naked, exposed," "wilderness of flat." I have chosen to combine a few of these terms to talk about the "immensity of flat" that characterizes West Texas.
When I first moved to Indiana in 2005, one of the things I missed most of all was terrain. (The second was open water, but I will come back to that in a later post.) Growing up in Ticonderoga and going to college in Plattsburgh, you tend to orient yourself based on where the mountains and lakes are in relation to you. The mountains are always to the west and the lake is always to the east. In the Midwest, I was disoriented by the lack of any natural markers in any direction. I remember Katie Elaine and I saw a beautiful block of purple clouds on the horizon one night that looked like a mountain range and we just stared in home sick amazement. I missed the Adirondacks so much.
Preparing to land at LBB
Welp, I didn't know flat until I moved to Lubbock. Indiana is positively topographic in comparison to West Texas. There is nothing, just absolutely nothing, for hundreds of miles, in all four directions. On the way to Lubbock in my U-Haul, my mom and I were on the road between Amarillo and Lubbock, on the final home stretch, and my mom turned to me, completely serious, and said, "Honey, are you sure about this?" It was too late at that point, but she was right to be concerned. I didn't like the flat. I didn't like having no towns and no houses and, even, no lights for miles in the distance. It was too much. Too big, too immense, too far.
But the other night I was driving to a friend's graduation party north of town and I had to go on I-27 and then down a couple of country roads. As I was driving, I found myself grinning like a fool as a looked out across the distant sunset and miles of fields. I had my arm out the window and my hair blowing in the breeze. I kept taking big deep breathes and soaking in the wide open space. And I could not wipe the huge smile off my face. When I got to my friend's house, I just stood at the edge of their fields looking across the landscape. There is something simultaneously hideous and beautiful about the immensity of flat in West Texas. It is intimidating and inspiring. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm standing still, even when I'm driving 90mph, and other times I feel like I could take flight anywhere in any direction. My beloved Great Aunt Irene used to say in her thick
Hungarian accent that she loved her house in rural Marseilles, Illinois
because should could "see them coming for her." Who exactly was "coming for her" remains unclear, but I definitely understand her sentiment. The space can be comforting.
My favorite natural aesthetic is green and blue. Round, lush green mountains, covered in evergreens, oaks, and maples, veined with narrow white water rivers, sitting beside big, clear blue lakes. Welcome to my world. I am spoiled by the Adirondack Park. I briefly dated a guy in Lafayette who laughed at me when I said, rivers are blue. Apparently the Wabash had infected his sad, boring soul. He thought rivers were supposed to be brown. Maybe that it true in some places, but I preferred the Upper Hudson River, Bouquet River, Schroon River, Ausable River, etc. etc. This is all to say, brown and gray are NOT my preferred aesthetic. Lubbock is defined by brown. Land, sky, water - generally brown. I did not warm to the natural beauty of West Texas immediately.
Over time, though, I have come to enjoy it. I look forward to the trees and hills and mountains of the northeast, but I will miss the immensity of flat in Lubbock, just a little.
Everybody likes to make fun of New York drivers. Obviously driving in
New York City is crazy and almost every movie set in the city over
dramatizes some long extended car chase or traffic jam. So clearly, New
York has a bad reputation for driving. In my opinion, NY drivers just
don't fuck around. You can't be an oblivious moron to drive in NYC. Well, I guess you can
but you would literally get run off the road or rendered deaf from
collective horn honking. People drive fast and aggressive because they got shit to do. That doesn't make them bad drivers.
Personally, though, I would put the erratic and idiotic behavior of Lubbock drivers on a whole different level. In Lubbock, you are confronted with every type of bad driver imaginable - people that go too fast for no reason, people that drive too slow for no reason, people that are unaware of their turn signals, people who don't pay attention to stop lights/sign/arrows, people who don't stay in turning lanes, and on and on. I see an accident or almost get into an accident every time I leave the house! Most frequently, people run red lights, cut across traffic, and rear end fellow drivers. People just seem to make bad choices behind the wheel. I cannot understand it!
I think the lack of directionals/blinkers/turn signals infuriates me the most. Drivers simply do not like to indicate that they are turning. Or they turn on the signal for one flash as they are already turning. To make matters worse, everyone feels like they have to basically stop in the road in order to turn into a driveway, business, etc. So imagine a driver stops in the road in front of you and crawls slowly to the right into their destination. Holy fuck, my head explodes. The New Yorker in me usually lays on my horns for ten seconds (the duration of the turn) because I can't help it, and then the driver flips me off. FLIPS ME OFF! Are you fucking kidding me! It is common courtesy and the goddam law to let the driver behind know that you are turning!
As for unsafe speeding, I have never seen so many people is such a hurry to go NOWHERE! Take "the Loop," for example. It goes around Lubbock. You use it to bypass the stop lights and signs of cross streets. But it doesn't go anywhere! It is just a 20 mile circle. And yet, people will speed and weave and pass on the Loop, especially between University and Slide, as if they are actually fucking going somewhere! I assume the speeding occurs because it is one of the only three roads around Lubbock that have speed limits over 40 mph. It turns into a free-for-all as cars merge onto the loop at University, only to exit one mile later at Quaker. Everyone is in a huge hurry to pass two cars, even though they plan on getting off the highway in less than 30 seconds. Then, of course, the exit/merge process on the access roads is a nightmare. Everyone on the left is trying to get right in 5 seconds and everyone on the right is trying to get left in the same five seconds. All the wonderful politeness and courtesy in Lubbock disappears when people get in their cars. People will literally speed up to prevent you from switching lanes. Argh!
I think part of it, at least on the weekend, is people
that are from out of town. There are quite a few "country bumpkins" that
can't handle the "big city" driving of Lubbock. These are the
terrified, timid drivers that stop in the middle of traffic to change
lanes or cut across three lanes to turn into the Olive Garden parking
lot. Driving too slow and timid is just as dangerous as driving too
fast.
I know that Masshole drivers will be awful, as well, but I will not miss Lubbock drivers.
When I first moved here, I absolutely hated the expression, "Yes, ma'am." I cringed every time a waitress or store clerk or phone operator said it. In fact, I scolded my students whenever they said it to me. "Do I look like a ma'am to you?!" I just thought it sounded old and formal. My students were so cute about it. They always apologized and told me, "I'm sorry, it's just a habit." Back then I didn't understand the truth of those words. Now here I am, two years later, and I've been converted to the Ma'am/Sir club. I say them without even thinking. I say them to people who are younger, older, same age, it doesn't matter. The terms are just respectful additions. They come out without thinking, but for me, they are very appreciated.
This is just a simple example of the polite behavior that I have come to love in Lubbock. I was definitely raised to be polite and respectful, but southern hospitality is a step above. This kindness is present in grocery stores (I love Market Street!), restaurants, gas stations, and just every possible establishment. And most importantly, my students are so incredibly polite. I cannot even imagine the majority of my students back-talking me or questioning my rules. My students are refreshingly respectful. I just love the courtesy of west Texas.
The other interconnected thing is chivalrous behavior. I hesitated to use that word, because it sounds antiquated, but it is really the only term that I have for it. I am consistently impressed by the
gentlemanly actions of males in Texas. I cannot even count the times that a man has literally rushed to open and/or hold the door for me. It happens almost daily when I'm on campus. This is a small gesture, again, but it is very appreciated. The feminist in me doesn't want to like it, but I do. Obviously I can open and hold my own door, but there is something so sweet about an 18-year-old student doing this kind action. It extends beyond doors, of course. I always know that I can step on/off the bus first, I can cross the street with a kind wave, I get help carrying boxes and other items. In fact, my colleagues know that I had a small lectern that I trucked to all my lectures in the GPS classrooms in Holden Hall. One of my students noticed that I carried it every day, so he started making a point of stopping by my office and offering to bring it to class for me. What a sweet gesture!
Now don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of rude asshats. I have encountered jerks here, too. Honestly, I think people that are raised well will be polite and courteous, no matter where they live. And sometimes I don't think the politeness here is completely sincere, but you
would never know. It seems like Texans will fake a smile and kind word,
rather than be cross to your face.
Regardless, I will thoroughly miss the polite and chivalrous behavior in Lubbock.
I do not want this blog to have a negative slant, but I think this one goes without saying. If I did not start with dust, it would just be the big, gritty, brownish, reddish elephant in the room.
Obviously as a professor of 20th Century US History, I am very familiar with the story of the Dust Bowl of the 1930s. I have read several books about the causes, experiences, causalities, and effects. But you have no idea until you experience a haboob. If this word looks fake to you, don't worry, I had never heard of it before either. Haboob is the local term (although the origin is Arabic) for an intense dust storm. Apparently in October 2011, there was a severe haboob in Lubbock that all my students talked about like old-timey survivors. It was the worst one in
Haboob in Lubbock, October 17, 2011
many years - reminiscent of the
infamous Black Sunday in April 1935. In a typical dust storm, the western/northern sky will become dark reddish brown, the temperature drops about 20-30 degrees, the wind increases 30/40/50 mph, depending on the severity, and, slowly, a wall of dust moves toward the city. You can usually see it coming for a long time and most people try to get home or indoors before it hits. When the dust finally reaches the town, it feels like airborne sandpaper. It pricks your skin, burns your eyes, and fills your nose, ears, mouth, or any exposed orifice with pure grit. Haboobs are absolutely enormous and fascinating, until you get caught outside in one. You feel like you are stuck in your own personal tornado of angry dirt. Litter and debris blows down the streets. Tree and fences toppled over. And everything is left filthy. Moisture adds an extra layer of awful by creating mud rain, basically. Not. Fucking. Cool.
Any old Tuesday
The dust storms are horrible, for sure, but at least they are sporadic. I have really only experienced 1-2 bad ones in my two years here. The real issue with dust in Lubbock is far more constant. Dust infects every inch of my house, car, lawn, and being. Dust sneaks in your windows, doors, vents, fans. It is present in cracks, crevices, cups, couches, cats. Lubbock is coated in a thin layer of dust that no amount of cleaning and weather-proofing ever seems to solve.
If you had asked me ten years ago, what is one state that you will never live in, Texas would have been in my top three, without a doubt. But obviously you have to be flexible about your location when you work in academia, so Iwas ecstatic to receive a Visiting Assistant Professor position at Texas Tech in June 2012 (especially considering the alternate was living under a bridge by the LaChute River). So I accepted a position in Lubbock, Texas, having literally never set foot in the state (except maybe one airport layover circa 2008, but that doesn't count). I moved here with extreme trepidation, because I was definitely a Yankee in a new land (or country, according to some Texans). After two years, though, I have grown to love (certain) things about this place. I decided to write about all the positive and negative thoughts and emotions associated with leaving Lubbock. Stay tuned for a detailed, funny, and, hopefully, poignant list of all the things I will and will not miss about this strange place.
Let's just say, being a Democrat in Texas is not the norm. The majority of people in the state, and especially in the Lubbock area, held a whole collection of nonsensical, conservative, anti-government attitudes. I am consistently amazed and annoyed by anti-government attitudes in the arid west - a place which would literally be uninhabitable and economically destitute if it were not for federally funded water distribution projects, massive subsidies and tax breaks for cattle ranchers and cotton farmers, and even more disgustingly massive and unnecessary subsidies for oil and gas industries. It is so hypocritical to be anti-government in a region that is completely dependent on the government for basic survival. That seems to be the norm in red states, though. 
I saw so many bumper stickers for Romney/Ryan (get over it!) and even McCain/Palin (seriously get over it!) and other right-wing causes like deportation and birther claims and just plain offensive 
And now, I am positively giddy to live in a blue state again. Of course New York
is a blue state, but I am from the reddest part of that blue state.
(Literally, Essex County was bright red.) But in Massachusetts, I will
be in the motherfucking majority of political opinion for the first time
in my life!!! Even though Westfield is near the most rural/redneck portion of the state, and even in this mixed purple map, central/western Mass is still blue. So just to be clear, the most red part of the state is still blue! Haha!
